Verge of Death
by EmmettMonkeyMan
Summary: Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons but not the usual ones! These are the ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.


**Story Name: Verge of Death**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2013 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: Jace is vulnerable. He is battling demons – not real ones, but emotional ones. Ones that are willing to tear open his heart and murder his soul. Battling illnesses no one knows anything about, will Jace survive, or will he be lost forever? Murdered by the one he thought he always knew – himself. Rated M for self-harm and Anorexia/Bulimia.**

**Families:**

**Maryse & Robert Lightwood –- Alec, Jace, Isabelle, Max and Noah.**

**Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke Garroway – Jonathon, Clary and Ava.**

**Dedication: My beautiful baby girl Mia for being so strong for mommy. She understands me so well, as we both aren't so "well." She's my rock –my savior. I love you princess. Thank you for being so strong and helping mommy with the other babies even when you're at hospital!, I love that you care enough about people to notice when they need a hand! God is proud, precious girl! And like you say, "I'm only 3!" whilst holding up 4 fingers ;)**

*** Reminder * - Noah is an added child to the lightwoods, and is the real brother of Isabelle, Alec and Max, and the adoptive brother of Jace. Ava is the half sister of Clary and Jonathon.**

* * *

Jace stared at his reflection in the mirror. He hadn't always looked this way. He stared at his bottle white skin in the mirror, the bones all over his body visible. They were poking out from skin tinted blue, and he was near to looking like a skeleton. He didn't have much fat left on him. He still felt his stomach had more fat to lose although his ribcage was pushed so far out of his chest that it looked like the skin had trouble keeping it inside.

He smiled softly, not a happy smile, but a satisfactory smile. A few more months, he thought, and his body would be just the way he wanted.

He dressed in 2 t-shirts and added a hoodie over the top – he didn't need the people around him noticing he was losing weight. At least not yet. The hoodie he fit so perfectly in months before was now cascading down to his knees, the sleeves falling over his hands. He bit his lip, extremely happy that he was making progress.

"Jace?" His brother Alec yelled from behind the door to Jace's room.

"Coming!" Jace yelled back, pulling on his pants and shoes. He opened his door to see Alec standing there, their baby brother Noah cuddled against his chest. "We're going to be late for school."

Jace shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, bro. I'm ready."

Alec frowned, looking over his little brother's clothing with one raised eyebrow. "You're wearing that to school? It's huge on you!"

Jace smiled inwardly. Progress. "Yes." Without explaining any further, he side-stepped around Alec and began walking down the hall to the kitchen.

"Honestly?" Jace heard Alec mutter to himself as he followed behind him. "What can you do?"

Just as Jace was about to run out of the door to the institute, his adopted mother Maryse stuck out her hand to stop him. "No, no." She chided. "No leaving until you've had something to eat. Isabelle and Alec were up early and had time to eat their breakfast. You on the other hand," She shook her head. "We need to get this scheduled."

Jace swallowed nervously. He didn't not only have time to eat, but he couldn't shove any type of breakfast down his throat just to please them. "I have to meet Clary." He protested weakly. "She'll be mad if I'm late."

"She'll be mad if I tell her you skipped breakfast." Maryse responded, pulling Jace over to the kitchen counter. She handed him two pancakes on a napkin drenched in syrup. "Go, eat whilst you walk."

Jace smiled greatly, giving his baby brother a kiss on the cheek before leaving with his other brother and his sister. This meant he could somehow dump the pancakes more easily than if he were in the kitchen.

Alec and Isabelle walked in front of Jace down the sidewalk, leaving him behind to muse with his feelings. With their backs to him, he quietly removed the pancakes from his pocket and dumped them in the trash can they had just passed.

They met Clary around the block. Her red hair was pulled around her shoulder in an attempt to shield it from the rain, and she was wearing a beautiful outfit that blew Jace away. A flower patterned skirt down to her knees, plain black leggings and a black top with a few flowers.

He managed a weak smile for her, trying his hardest not to flinch when she wrapped her arms around his waist. He was always afraid that she would feel his bones. Perhaps today she wouldn't notice.

Jace knew he had a problem; he just didn't want to attempt it. Part of him screamed that he was right; the other part screamed he was wrong. Sometimes, he didn't know what he was doing. He just knew the old Jace wouldn't have done this.

Clary stared up at him, her eyes filled with concern, and for a moment Jace couldn't breathe due to the panic wrapping around his heart. Did she notice? No, she couldn't have. "Good morning, Jace." She murmured, reaching up to trace her finger along his jaw. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." He murmured stiffly, reaching down to take her hand. He pulled her along the sidewalk, hoping Isabelle would make some kind of conversation – a distraction from him.

Clary frowned. "You have bruises under your eyes, Jace…"

He nodded. "I had work to do, so I'm a little tired. But I did sleep, Clary." It was a lie. Jace had been up all night battling nightmares.

Sensing she wasn't going to get anywhere with the conversation, Clary let it drop and walked in silence with Jace the rest of the way until they arrived at school.

Jace didn't know how to respond to anything. He wasn't sure if he was being too suspicious or not. All he knew is that there was no way for him to control what he was doing. Not anymore. Jace had once had control, constantly fighting back whatever told him not to eat, but now, he listened to that voice in his head. Of course he didn't want to get fat. Jace had to be perfect, especially if he wanted Clary to stay.

But all he seemed to be doing lately was push her even further away.

It took 15 minutes for them to get to the high school. Jace still hadn't let go of Clary's hand but he felt her glancing over at him a few times to check if he was still there. He did tend to glaze off and forget about the world.

"Jace," Clary whispered, waving a hand in front of his face to snap him back to reality once more. "We're here." She smiled encouragingly, feeling his hand tighten around hers. She pulled him close and ran her fingers down his spine. "Hey, it's alright. I know it's your first day but school's...alright. You'll be just fine. Some kids can be challenging but hey, we're all here with you, huh?"

Jace nodded softly, gazing around at the school grounds. There were a lot of people around him and he felt slightly vulnerable.

Jace's quite-far-from-normal upbringing meant he hadn't been to any mundane, public school before. He once went to a school in Idris for a few weeks – some kind of experience - and was home-schooled for a few years at the institute, but never had he been faced with such a terrifying situation.

This was a totally new and scary experience for Jace.

* * *

So, totally new story going out there as I've just finished my first Mortal Instruments story! Why not go check that out on my page? :)

Anyway, this will probably be OOC and its a little risky, but, hey, you gotta take risks!

Please review to let me know you want me to continue!:)

God bless!

x


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